there isnt really enough time for tumblr posts these days. i dont think i ever really got tumblr anyway. endlessly reblogging things just isnt that satisfying. even though the internet is full of cool shit. im not against the internet or anything.
ive been working a lot and making not very much money. strangely i feel more contented, like it doesnt matter where im going as long as im moving forward. i like long island city. i like watching the boats roll out on the east river at 7am on saturday mornings before my shift. i especially like finally being warm. emily is convinced that ive become very attractive though yesterday someone mistook my hair for a hat. hahahhahahhahah.
last night we played the shittiest show at the trash bar. we couldnt hear anything and the keyboard and vocals kept cutting in and out. the backup mics werent even on at all. sometimes music is really depressing. or maybe just playing music in new york is really depressing.
i try to do yoga on monday, tuesday, wednesday, friday and aerobics on thursday and saturday, but this week i had to work early on friday and saturday and i always work a nine hour shift on sundays. thats the most frustrating thing about working, not even having time to go to yoga. and i feel like shit and my back has been killing me ever since i cleaned out steves storage closet. i got a massage but it didnt help that much. and my backpack broke which is making things worse since i only have shoulder bags. but i am going to try to start jogging with beau. i have still lost weight probably because i walk so much and work so much and sometimes there are days when i dont have time to eat much. i feel really good in my body these days, despite the back pain. i feel really grateful for being able to move, for the way things are shaped. up until recently i used to obsess over my own body but i feel like it matters less now. i guess i just dont have time to care about it.
yesterday i was setting up with tirzo and i asked him if he was unhappy. he said yea maybe, and something about being an ugly mexican, which he is really obsessed with. i find that sad. i said, you seem really bored, and he said yea sometimes. i said you need a hobby, but i know that tirzo cant really have hobbies the way that i can have hobbies. which also makes me sad. i had another drunk dream last night. and i was drunk at tribes drinking cocktails out in the street on avenue c and lost my shoes and someone lit the floor on fire and maria helped me get away and save my shoes and we were in the woods and surrounded by little dogs. i want to make tirzo do something exciting but all i ever do is yoga and weird music, and i dont think he would be excited by either of those. sometimes we have fun at work, when bruce and irena arent around.